Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Blog - "The Santa Myth"

I've had something of a question bounding around my mind for a while now, likely because of the fact that Christmas one and two has just passed us by. The question is a mix of religious and mythological concepts, and the potential philosophical implications that could be raised by it are enormous.

The question is this: Which came first, Santa or Jesus?

I'm guessing by now everybody is old enough to know that Santa Claus is a myth, and also an Americanisation of the English, or more European (and thus slightly prior) Father Christmas. You have a huge list of myths that fall backwards, including the Kris Kringle, the Chris Cringle (yes, they're different), the St Nicholas and so on and so forth.

I'm certainly curious in opinions, and spending months wandering across wikipedia looking for the answer is a confusing one. You see, the weird thing is that Father Christmas has never been particularly linked in to religious matters. Santa isn't a Christian that we know of. In fact, of all the major religions, he lives a life closest to that of a Buddhist, which is confusing in so many ways. So his life isn't necessarily linked to Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ, accepting the possibility that he might have actually existed (which I don't, and never will) lived nearly two thousand and eleven years ago. Does this mean that Father Christmas is that old too? That's pretty damned old. Even Jesus died. Admittedly he was killed, but considering the pure monetary networth of Santa Claus, I would mug the bastard.

Why do I think about this shit?

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Blog - "Teenage Girl Fights"

This is a wonderful business, and yet cruel in its own right. You can spend years developing the contacts, the forward motion and the visual license to appeal, yet you never experience a rapport. You are everybody’s friend, and yet the friend of nobody in this business. Thankfully, I’ve adapted to suit the needs of the role quite happily.

Still, people in general are marvellously comical. That’s right, this is a gig drama story. Even better, this is a teenage gig drama story. Sound tasty? In many ways, indeed it is.

Today, I was reviewing a young, female interviewee. She has the cutesy thing going on, a voice to suit her style and chooses songs that are romantic, but subtle enough sexually to evade notice. Everything fits, nothing stand out. She quite obviously only started singing to satisfy her mother, who doesn’t seem to have noticed, but that’s another story. We’ll call this girl ‘singer’.

She has a female friend here that she has written songs for and about, which nicely labels said friend as the nervous type. We’ll call her ‘girlfriend’. She’s also a vegetarian, which adds to the overall arc. Here, at current, all is well.

However, then the male appendage of singer arrives, which is typically the turning point of a story. You know how these things go. It’s neither cruel nor unusual. In fact, in the teenage years, it’s downright common. We’ll call him, as you may have guessed already, ‘boyfriend’.

So, singer is dating boyfriend. Girlfriend, who is nervous and shy, has that particular glare that says ‘Get off my man, you bitch!’ You know the one. They never think that anybody notices, when everybody quite obviously does so. So, they go outside to ‘talk’. Again, you know the sort.

Singer, while singing, casts her eyes around for boyfriend and, when she can’t find him, gets pissed off and moves off of the stage to go and look for them. You know teens, they’re scared of things. Turns out she was right to though; there was blowjob action going on in the beer garden.

After that, it all kicked off and went a little crazy. Fun, you know. Drinks were thrown, food was thrown, hair was pulled and then thrown.

I miss the relaxed days when I went to these things for fun rather than for work. If that was the case though, I would miss the cash element and, more importantly, the feeling of importance.

Sunday, 5 December 2010

Blog - "Evening Chill"

Hey readers. Welcome back to Mental-Streaming.

Well, we're in December now, and Winter has hit as though a switch has been flipped. We've gone from an evening chill to frozen paths and snowed-in schools. It's the time of year where the heating goes up, the fireplaces burn and everybody cuddles up in bed with that special somebody for warmth.

Admittedly, I'm single this year, but I do have a dog that loves me.

I always have something of a sense of nostalgia when the snow begins. I recall last year, encountering Stalker Katie in my preferred nightclub and having her try so hard to follow me home. I recall the year before, spent largely with girlie four wandering from place to place and criticising the food. I recall the year before that, when girlie three was forced out of her house and I committer my life and home to a rescue that would shape the rest of my life.

While Autumn seems to be my season for losing things that I want (jobs, girlfriends, keys), winter seems to be the season where things are thrown at me, whether I want them or not. Yet, to be honest, I do love Winter.

The cold is annoying, but it doesn't bother me all that much. The heating in my bedroom is dodgy, but I can easily sleep on the living room floor. New Years is a bit annoying and all, and Christmas itself is a bit of an annoyance when it comes to my particularly small and unaffectionate family, but the real highlight for me is Christmas Two.

I hold a second Christmas, personal invite only, on the twenty-seventh. It's a big thing for me, since receiving an invite basically means that I consider you as close to me as family, or as I believe family should be. You see, my family comprises three people in the grand total simply because we've always been so detached from the others. As such, all of those families on television or in stories ring false for me, even when I'm writing them. I'm more likely to write about a truly close and loving friend who feels like family that I am to create a stable and supportive family environment.

Christmas Two is fun though. It always makes up for how much I utterly despise new year's.

Monday, 29 November 2010

Short Story - "Home Advantage"

She was an Everton fan. I was a Liverpool fan. This is likely all the back story you need.

"Get off our pitch!" she shouted at me.

"Our boys never walk alone!" I yelled back, thinking myself clever.

I was young and full of bile and sperm. She was similarly charged, for her team.

We had a bad run that day, and what a shame.

We met again, by luck of the draw, the next month.

"Get off our pitch!" I shouted at her.

"Right after we kick your arses!" she yelled back - much more inventive than me as it turned out.

Down the pub afterwards, I got drunk, which helped me explain the finer points of why my team is so much better than hers. At the same time, she got drunk and that helped her explain the finer points of why her team is so much better than mine.

"But we beat you," I told her, which obviously made us better.

"Home advantage," she replied, but I was having none of that.

We went home and left our friends to argue, though our tongues still fought on the way home, in their own way. Our formations were tight, with excellent wing play and some smart tackling at the back.

"Three - one!" I shouted at some point during the night.

"Home advantage!" she shouted back.

I let her have that one.

It was another three months before we met again.

"Get off my pitch!" I shouted.

"My turf's always better, boy - wish your entire team was buried under it!" she shouted back. She was definitely more inventive than I was.

When half time came around, I called her up and asked: "Want to have a few minutes on the run from my centre forward?"

"At Anfield?" she said. "You'd get more arousal out of a chicken."

It's a shame Everton won that one, but I still love derby games.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Blog - "Retro Gaming Nostalgia"

There are a couple of people in the world that I literally can not imagine my life without. A few months ago, one of these people told me that he was taking me to see a film. I was okay with this, despite having no prior knowledge of the film in question. He told me it would be fantastic, and I chose to believe him. That film was Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, and he was right: it was utterly magnificent.

Alongside the film, they released a game that we’ve been playing over the last couple of weeks. It’s a simple enough game, and, beautifully, it puts me in mind of all those lovely little beat-em-ups I enjoyed so much as a kid.

Does anybody remember Double Dragon? Now there was simplicity at its best. One button punched, the other kicked and both together did a flying kick. All of this on a scrolling 2D landscape? Sounds like heaven to me. Yes, the film adaptation was little more than a joke, but you can’t really hold that against Double Dragon, can you?

Golden Axe was another one that I devoted a healthy chunk of my life to. I played the dwarf, with the axe and the lightning special attack. I don’t know why, especially not now, but he just seemed much tougher than the alternatives, and I wasn’t really into playing female characters at the time, since they were always built weaker. It seems to be an accepted paradigm that your female characters will always be weaker than the male ones. The fantasy elements of Golden Axe held quite the draw for me.

That was nothing though. No game held my complete devotion like Streets Of Rage. I still come back to it now, to take Axel everywhere from boat to skyscraper. I used to love throwing people from that outside elevator on level seven. I still do. My love affair for Streets Of Rage extended as far as the second game, but the robot with the extendable arms and old man face very much turns me off the third one.

Scott Pilgrim has that old Streets Of Rage magic, but with good old RPG style stat boosts and level ups. Everything from the soundtrack to throwing weapons takes me back to my childhood and, for a writer, that’s where all imagination lives. Even if it is a game of repetitively beating the crap out of anything and everything, that’s enough for me.

It’s anger management in its purest form, and I love it.

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Blog - "Concussions"

Hey again,

It's rare that you can say 'i had a short day today', but you often hear people say 'i had a long day today'. I had one of those last night.

Fridays are fairly textbook for me. I volunteer to help out at a Youth Club, then certain members of the staff go out for drinks. Our regular closed down a fortnight ago, and I didn't attend last week, leaving this as being the first time we tried somewhere different instead. Other than a poor DJ, the pool was cheap. I ran into a few old friends, made a few new ones and convinced everybody I was a lot more drunk than I actually was because I hadn't had much to eat and I wasn't in the mood for heavy drinking. When it closed we spent half an hour in another pub, then went outside to go our separate ways.

It's at this point that the concussion happened. 

I'm a little sketchy on the details, due to the fact that I wasn't really paying attention just before it all went dark, but unconsciousness reigned for a while, so I'm told. I've never been a fan of A & E, but when you're instructed to go, you go, and you have to stay awake, without eating or drinking anything, until a Doctor has checked you out and officially found you fine.

Of course, upon getting home at about 5am, I found myself sleeping through for almost nineteen hours. When I woke up, it was dark again, but at least I woke up.

Other than that, not all that much to tell. Slow week.

Saturday, 6 November 2010

Blog - "Quirks And Mirrors"

Good day cheerful readers who earn me a living. This, as usual, is Tom Colohue. Now...

I have a big interest in people. Not in an I-watch-crowds-of-homeless-people-pissing-in-alleys sort of way. Psychologically, I have a big interest in people. If I don't understand something then I tend to develop a big interest in it, since I hate it when I don't understand something. People are a prime example of this. I just don't get it.

People, in general, make a fair chunk of sense. When you have the option to generalise and make broad, sweeping and all encompassing statements you can basically pull whatever truths you want out of the air. That's not what interests me. What interests me is the tiny, often subtle and intricate nuances of individuals. The quirks - if you will. That's what truly separates people.

Have you ever stopped to look at somebody you know, just to experience the things that they do that nobody else does? Everybody has something, and more have plenty more than just one. Nevertheless, quirks and personality traits tend to operate in the peripheral vision. Most people just don't expect to see these things, so they don't. It's that expectant perspective thing again. Everybody has blind spots you see.

What about you then, dear reader? Do you know what your individual quirks are, because I'm sure you have plenty? Where did they come from? What do they say about you?

There's so much more to a person than just what's in the mirror.

Tom Colohue

Friday, 5 November 2010

Blog - "Belonging In Motion"

So, Tom Colohue's on a train again. Greetings from the nicely crowded train to Manchester Airport.

I feel certain that, at some point, we've all felt the urge to be anywhere but home. You can't put your finger on the exact reasons yet, but you're just feeling restless and in need of a break. You know what I mean; I'm sure. You just need to step out of your life for a little while. With this in mind, I've finally decided the following:

I absolutely love trains.

It might well be all of the excitement of Tommyfest so short a time ago, but my life has seemed quite droll lately. It can't help that the Ultimate-Guitar London mini-festival was last year - leaving me trying to hire a drumkit, on the day of the event, from the train down there. I didn't even realise how much I loved that until a time afterwards, but I did.

Even though, this time, there's no big event coming, I'm quite excited inside. I'm not trying to discuss my niece, or her parents here; I love them both to pieces, but the events that I manage give me an incredible rush of belonging that I've never received from my family. It feels like I'm going back to work, and I'm near ecstatic about it.

The farther I get from home, the better I feel. Even fighting a cold and being annoyingly single: this eclipses that. I need more festivals to work, and more interviews to do. I need to soak up the utter beauty of music events and spend my life as part of it all. My home is the train now, and I most certainly did not expect that.

I suppose it's all about belonging really. I've worked from home too long to like it, but the world at large is still a scary place. Do I belong here? Do I belong there? Maybe I belong somewhere I haven't even discovered yet? How would I know?

I suppose I'll be on the trains a while yet.

Tom Colohue

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Song - "Spatial Turbulence"

Spatial turbulence impacting
on all of our minds.
Our memories are fighting to
Recall all that we left behind.

Intergalactic encounters
Across the galaxy.
Are coming here to welcome us
And let us all break free.

There is no day or night.

There is no real light.

There's no solution
Just production
Of artificial life.

We are space invaders.

We defy the universe.

No Gods held wisdom
To assist us
So we took to flight.

The cold outside is welcoming.

False heat runs through our veins.

This dementia is restricting.

But at least I have the reins.

We fly beyond our systems.

Our pilot sets the course.

Tomorrow is a blessing.

As we search out for our true source.

God said no to us,
Halt evolution here.

Man said go to us,
We'll fly beyond the stratosphere.

God rejected us,
And left us all to die.

Man comforted us,
And gave us voice with which we could

There is no way to hide
We're trapped here like space rats.

We are assisting
In exiling
All that we have ever known.

Alternatives are fleeting
They fly by like the stars.

We are rejecting
All the systems
That our Gods designed.

God said no to us,
You can't continue here.

Your evil ways will be removed,
From the cosmos that I hold so dear.

To you who live in squalour,
Just let your lives go.

We defied him,
We refused him,
And we follow those we fear.

We're refugees with no hope.

False heat runs through our veins.

We have no seat of power.

No wealth of which to say.

We fly beyond our systems.

We follow those that led.

Tomorrow is a blessing.

But that may be for them instead.

There is no day or night.

There is no real light.

There's no solution
Just production
Of artificial life.

We are space invaders.

We defy the universe.

We shall be masters
Of our creations
Mutinous but truly right.

Spatial turbulence impacting
on all of our minds.
Our memories are fighting to
Recall all that we left behind.

Intergalactic encounters
Across the galaxy.
Are coming here to welcome us
And let us all break free.

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Blog - "My Star Line-Up"

Hello there.

I'd like to start off by saying that I am in no way patriotic. I am about as English as hating the French, but that's about it. That said though, I have, of late, gotten into football. Here's my views after today's match against Montenegro.

England 0 - 0 Montenegro

It's a sad state to be in when your returning captain has been entirely eclipsed by his Executive Officer, but such is the case tonight. Don't get me wrong, I firmly believe in Rio Ferdinand's abilities as a central defender, but you don't lead a team from central defense. You lead a team from the front, which was exactly what Steven Gerrard always tried to do. The man is a born leader, and every fan in the house has always responded to him beautifully. Nobody wanted Rio back. We were happy with Phil Jagielka covering our arses in central defense, we just wanted Rio to help him out. He has a big head. That's awesome.

I am yet to find anybody with something bad to say (performance-wise) about Ashley Cole. Let's not even start there. Though he seems to prefer a long ball game, I'm also quite happy with the way Glen Johnson has been performing. In fact, defensively, we're doing well. I saw Joe Hart playing in the friendly against Japan before the world cup, and he was just as stunning then as he is now.

It's at the midfield where we start to unravel for one simple reason. We're simply too good with box-to-box players in the middle. Gerrard is, quite obviously, a star. From his first goal to his latest, his goals come from nowhere through a sea of bodies. Personally, I would likely have him farther forward, and keep Frank Lampard back to hold the middle. I'd be much happier with an attacking midfielder to leave the pack than a defensive one like Gareth Barry. It just seems like a defensive move that's only weakening our attack and thus giving our opposition time to regroup.

Adam Johnson is awesome. He doesn't link up fantastically, and at times he's a little too hungry to fire one in, but as midfield strikers go, I'm incredibly impressed. Like Gerrard, he can fire it in through a crowd. Like Lampard, he can appear in the box with a kick of legend when nobody's even noticed him sneaking up. He just needs to put these things together. He plays the wing well. For the left side I'm not all that sure. Walcott seems to run out of steam a little too quickly. You know what? Let's go a little mad and line Johnson and Johnson opposite Ashley Cole and Joe Cole. Joe Cole isn't suited to playing right behind the attack because he needs a little room to manoeuvre, but he's a tricky little bastard when he wants to be.

In the attack, I'm unsure. With Gerrard supporting, and Cole and Johnson on the wing, I feel confident that they'll get plenty of chances, but I've never been that big a fan of Wayne Rooney to be completely honest. The name that springs to mind most is always going to be Michael Owen. You've all seen what he can do, even though age and injury might be having an affect now. I would like to see him back in action. I would.

Jermain Defoe has earned the other spot methinks. He needs the ball to be basically planted either at his feet or on his head in front of the goal, but when that happens it's going to go in, no questions asked.

That's who I'd pick. Just for the sake of it.

Saturday, 9 October 2010

Blog - "In The Name Of Tim Burton"

Hello there kind readers,

So, I'm a fairly colossal Tim Burton fan. I find it quite confusing that Beetlejuice was performed by the same actor who starred as Batman, but that's part of the Burton majesty; nothing makes sense in his world unless you truly understand the genius.

The Nightmare Before Christmas is likely my favourite piece of work from him. I often recognise hints of Burton at work, and this includes the input of Danny Elfman's vocal and musical talents too. I think Elfman has a certain impact on my enjoyment as well. For example, in Batman Returns, I spotted Elfman's particular style before I even knew it was a Burton film, but from that I could work it out. Since he performed as the voice of Jack Skellington, though only while singing, I can claim him as the main reason I love the film so much. It's like The Rocky Horror Picture Show; the music never fails to please.

Let's take, for example, Burton's version of Sweeney Todd. Several months before I saw this, I saw Roy Winstone starring as the character in either a BBC or an ITV presentation of the same story, but with a much closer line of sympathy for the main character. I enjoyed it, but the story was very different. Afterwards, I watched the Burton version and loved it. Even though I know the songs were already scripted, the intensely Gothic design and cinematography allowed Johnny Depp to be entirely psychotic. It was beautiful.

I also liked the way they used colour in Corpse Bride. The world of the living was bland and monochrome. The world of the dead was a party and a half.

If I ever became a scriptwriter, I would likely follow in a very similar vein of madness and utterly inconsolable insanity. I do it anyway, so I think it would suit me.

I'd likely start with Murder: The Musical. I've been working on that for years.

Sunday, 26 September 2010

Blog - "Projects Upcoming"

Hello there readers.

So I do a lot of stuff. Some I get paid for, some I don't. Despite all of this, my primary vocation remains that of a writer, so I thought I'd give a few quick updated on the writing tasks ahead of me.

As of right now, I am working on the following projects:

The Spirit Of Mercy; A new Fiction series for Ultimate-Guitar
All About Hugh; The second series of the UG Story for Ultimate-Guitar
Effects Of The Internet; Another couple of articles in my continuing new media series for DottedMusic
Marketing Methods; A fairly large series of articles focussed around marketing yourself as a musician in the current fast track world for DottedMusic and Ultimate-Guitar
TommyFest Interviews; For the interviewees, myself, Ultimate-Guitar, SplashNet Radio and FunkyMonkey Radio, as well as the TommyFest website.

That's all of the writing tasks that I have on the go at this very minute.

I'm also making a new list of publishers to send Disbelief to, since I have now exhausted all other options concerning it. It's a long and extremely arduous task, so if anybody wants to do any of that work for me, I would be grateful.

In fact, that would be awesome. :P

Always a pleasure,

Thursday, 16 September 2010

Blog - "Evil In Batman Returns"

Hey people, Tom Colohue here.

One thing that I've realised recently is that you can effectively write an essay on just about anything, so, today, I'm going to examine a pet peeve using the conduit of Batman Returns. The pet peeve, by the way, is mostly to do with myself, as a writer, and how I feel things could be done differently and, potentially, better. I'm probably wrong here, but I do like to make my points.

So, the discussion topic, other than Batman Returns, is The Portrayal Of Evil In The Media.

Let's start with the old Batman series. You know the one; zap, pow, shazam etc. In that series, the 'evil' was practically slapstick. The progression of the original Batman film seres (from 'Batman' to 'Batman and Robin') moves slowly down this route.

The original Batman film had the iconic evil of The Joker, brilliantly played by Jack Nicholson. Now, there, we had a real evil in action. He had true malicious intent, and the true urge to create utter carnage. By Batman and Robin, past the travesty that was Two-Face and The Riddler, we ended up with Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze. Evil? Yeah, right.

The Joker, as he was also shown in the more recent film The Dark Knight, was dominating, cerebral and psychopathic. Even as a mere observer, you felt that you were being mentally dragged through a rough and aggressive selection of challenges. In many ways, the original Batman film was a little too dark. The last scenes certainly gave me many chills.

In my opinion, Batman Returns actually got it right. Even though the Bruce Wayne character was somewhat undernourished in the second of the four films, the three evils were spread out and, even when they did work together, they had obvious motives of their own. Max Shrek had the typical greed of the megalomaniac, Catwoman was envious of the success all around her, and eager to create a little anarchy for the sake of it. The Penguin literally hated everything purely because everything hated him first. They all came together briefly, but it all broke down very quickly. While The Joker was quite easily, as I see it, the best and most evil of the crowd, but it was everything coming together in Batman Returns that makes it work for me.

So that's what I've been thinking of recently. I could write more, but this is only a blog after all.

Thanks for reading,


Monday, 13 September 2010

Fiction - "Happy To Hold On"

Hey all.

Today, myself and my writers group are starting a short story series to run over the next four days, concluded by yours truly.

It's called Happy To Hold On.

Please check it out. Click on the link to get taken to the first part.

The second part is now available from the following location:

Thanks in advance.

Sunday, 12 September 2010

Blog - "TommyFest"

So, lately things have been a little mad.

My normal, everyday office job picked up to the point where I worked Monday, Monday night, Tuesday, Tuesday night, Wednesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Friday night last week. Add in the writing I generall do over a weekend and you've got yourself a busy schedule right there, but at the end of last month, we had TommyFest.

TommyFest is the local music festival that I got involved in working the angle of international promotions. It was a years worth of work, all building up a head of steam to culminate in the bank holiday weekend of August. It's why I didn't really post much that month, for which I apologise.

I went along as a representative of Ultimate-Guitar in addition to the role I took in the committee, and let me tell you, it was one of the most singularly awesome experiences that I have ever witnessed. The music, the people, the poker games in the chill-out tent: everything.

The following weekend was literally tame because of it.

I'm currently going through the pictures that my photographer took, preparing for the interviews I intend to give and for the wrap up news post. So, if you know any of the following acts, or are just interested in what I intend to ask them, please keep an eye out.

-Steph Fraser
-Alex Hulme
-Escape Artists UK
-Fatt Tuesday
-Steph Ashcroft
-The Underachievers
-Cat Lowman
-Girl Peculiar

More as it develops, and maybe some exclusive pictures, just for my readers.

Monday, 5 July 2010

Blog - "Disbelief: An Overdue Update"

Hey people, Tom Colohue here, once again. This, as it turns out, is long overdue.

I seem to have been neglecting Disbelief of late. This, for anybody who is thus far unaware, is my work in progress novel. At current, it's up to one hundred and sixty thousand words out of roughly one hundred and eighty thousand. This means that there is little to nothing left to write.

Now though, I'm onto the getting published game. This is where things get far from interesting and incredibly bloody annoying. As such, the only way to start increasing the chances of success is via press release and expansion based entirely on the name of Tom Colohue.

To this end, the next update will be via an Ultimate-Guitar Press Release, on the front page and thus with an average viewer count of coming up to six million. 

Plans for inclusion are:

A Special, Press Release Only Preview Chapter
Revised And Expanded Addition Pieces (Blogs) For Paul, Jace, Adam and Ed
A Disbelief PhotoShoot Starring Models As Ed And Ally

At the minute, the photoshoot is causing no end of issue due to unreliable people. You'll note that, with writing, there's never any help forthcoming, so I do it all myself.
I've now had two readers ask me how things are going, which is extremely flatterring and, honestly, inspiring. One reader even offered to send me money, which I simply can not accept.

Thanks for caring. It's a big boost for me.

Tom Colohue

Thursday, 1 July 2010

July 1st Audio Log

Just a heads up and a link over to my first of what should hopefully be monthly audio logs from hereon. 

Check it out.

Saturday, 26 June 2010

Blog - "Concerning Younglings"

Let's see: Tom Colohue and children. Now there's an interesting question.

Today, and, according to the Head Steward, next week, I'm volunteering at the Youth Club that takes place at my work. It's not the sort of thing I'd usually go for, but I'm always happy to help where help is needed. All work and no play etc.

I've been on a Youth Work course for months with this as the considered end result, but I'll admit that this is far from the reason that I'm doing it. In truth, I'm mostly just collecting qualifications for my CV right now. A long list of my talents is always going to draw more attention than a short one. Despite that though, here I am, with kids trying to talk down to me.

It's not working well for them. I don't think I'll be able to stick around for too long.

They're loud, obnoxious and really annoying; I'm glad some girls turned up. They're actually much quieter than the boys, which surprises me. They also seem to be lingering around me, which is, quite frankly, terrifying. Why is it the younger ones who are the most friendly? Do we lose something along the way?

Now, I generally like and want children. If I consider my niece, Lydia, then kids are awesome by proxy. I have a picture of her on my phone that I've been showing off. It's not good enough to replace the large pile of money that is my wallpaper, but it's still good.

I'm pretty much ignoring people here, and I'm feeling a little guilty, but I'm shy, and more interested in writing. They're making an effort, which is nice, and not as common in my life as I would like. Maybe I was being judgemental. Anyway, back to my niece of awesome.

The reason I haven't been around much recently is because my sister, her boyfriend and my niece have been visiting. Now, my sister made my own youth all sorts of hell, so I can't claim to be her fan, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to offer the same treatment. Besides, my niece is beyond adorable. I'd wake up in the morning and she would either greet me with a slap or a faceful of saliva. Is it strange that I enjoyed this? Hell no. She's a ten month old baby; it just means that she loves me.

I don't think that there's anything in life that I'm looking forward to more than becoming a father. There'll be no better day in the world.

I feel a little overdressed here. I've been getting into suiting up recently and, though I'm still evading wearing a tie; I look so damned good.

Saturday, 5 June 2010

Blog - "Vincent And The Doctor"

I'm a fan of Doctor Who. I'll put that out in the open straight off. I don't own a toy sonic screwdriver, I don't have aspirations of building a TARDIS, and I don't hide behind the sofa whenever Daleks appear on my screen, but I would still admit to being something of a fanatic about it. When I was younger, my family would go to somebody else's house every weekend and watch the next episode repeated on UK Gold. Peter Davidson was the one that really stood out for me, but that might have been because we didn't really watch Colin Baker, and I was too young to really work out what was going on before that.

I did see the film that was designed as a relaunch for the series in an American style. I wasn't a fan. The Doctor is as English as tea. He is part of our stereotype society. The Americans can't have him; he's ours.

So, it was with a certain amount of trepidation that I considered approaching the English relaunch, starring Christopher Eccleston. I'd only seen Eccleston previous in Shallow Grave, in which he goes mad after covering up for a death that was essentially the suicide of a desperate man looking at either murder or life in prison. I thought he did a very good job, but the rambling old man, which even Peter Davidson captured quite well, did not suit him in my head. Of course, I couldn't have been more wrong.

I don't feel that there have been any bad Doctors, including our American friend since, having seen the film, I believe that it was a very apt portrayal of a man who was trying to act human. While many Doctors don't seem to aspire towards that, it does creep through in some. Jon Pertwee had his moments, and David Tennant seemed to live for the people, so it is quite fitting.

This brings me to Matt Smith. Unsure of his qualifications, I looked him up on another show he had a brief spot in, The Secret Life Of A London Call Girl. It's an odd show, considering I spend most of it giggling about how much the main character, a prostitute played by Billie Piper, looks and acts exactly like my ex. She wasn't a prostitute of course, but she seemed to believe that that was what men aspired to gain. I enjoyed his brief stint in said show, and looked forward to seeing him in action. 

"Can I have an Apple?" were not the first words I expected. This was a good thing. 

Tonight's episode, Vincent And The Doctor, was focussed on the life of Vincent Van Gogh. While the series so far has been quite impressive, with all episodes having certain wonderful moments, the Doctor himself seemed to give way to the character of said depressive painter in this one.

The 'fighting an invisible opponent' thing just annoyed me. Some of the Doctor's mannerisms (stepping back in and shouting 'not that fast!', saying that he was overconfidence when, if you are overconfident, you admit to being confident only) were out of character and there were plot holes and randomly stupid moments (Amy has the right money to buy wine does she? Hide in a confessional and stay quiet, because it doesn't know where you are even though you just screamed at it).

Then there's the monster: "You're alone, like me." "It was scared and lashed out, like the people." etc. Tired, weary and predictable. Also, why wouldn't there be so many more dead and how did it get in the church without making itself known when it was blind?

This ties in with the episode on Churchill. Please, Stephen Moffat, stop letting fans of said historical figures write episodes about them. They don't write reality, they write fantasy.

He's a great man. His only fault was that he loved his country enough to do anything for it. That's not really a fault, is it? That's right, Churchill had no faults.

He's a great man. His only fault was that people didn't recognise his gifts. That's not really a fault, is it? That's right, Van Gogh had no faults.

It's like those interview techniques they teach you. Tell people your weaknesses by disguising strengths as weaknesses. These were real people, they suffered and were hardly the best of humanity. There is no best of humanity. Everybody has weaknesses, temptations they can't fight and drawbacks they can't explain.

Life is so much better, but fans write fantasies.

That said, the character of Van Gogh was done excellently, and with stunning precision. Kudos there. I don't know enough about him to say whether it was accurate, but he wasn't as perfect and pristine as they made Churchill out to be.

Sunflower bit was horrendously predictable.

All in all, I'd say that this writer is technically very capable, but artistically challenged. Perhaps just inexperienced. Worth watching, but I didn't find this a gem of the series. Moffat's work remains the best, but maybe that was the point.

Monday, 31 May 2010

Blog - "On Nudity"

I have quite a few strange penchants and quirks. One of them, which honestly isn't that odd or surprising, is that I quite like being naked.

At some point during our relationship, girly 3 said to a friend: "If there weren't other people in the house - we'd be nudists."

This was somewhat true, but for a few exceptions. She was always naked when she was at home, which was practically constant. Personally, I had to go to work, so I spent the vast majority of my time clothed. Due to this, getting out of the annoying royal blue uniform was an important part of my daily ritual. When we first got together, I had something of a nightly ritual where I would personally strip said girly off and then we would cuddle to sleep.

I really like the point where I get to take somebody's clothes off. It's the promise and the anticipation.

But she was naked so much that I simply never got the chance anymore. It made the whole excitement over my girlfriend's naked body vanish completely. I was more annoyed by it.

Then, she had this habit of falling asleep in somebody else's bed, and suddenly becoming naked. She wouldn't even be aware of this; it happened in her sleep. Still, it was strange.

One of the first things I did when she'd left, after I realised she was gone and completely freaked out, was go through the clothes that she'd left here in the attempt to decide that I should send them all back. I didn't want to keep any, but I knew that I was about to become very lonely, so I'm not ashamed to say that I didn't really want to let them go. With girly 1, I kept a few because the smell was a reminder of the comforting hugs I used to get fairly rarely. Unfortunately, with girly 3, there was no smell. She barely wore anything.

Since then, this whole nudity urge has vanished more than a little. I feel as though I've changed, and I don't like it, but there you go.

Still miss her.

Saturday, 29 May 2010

Lyrics - Sin "One: Recollections"

Do you remember how it used to be?
Partners in crime, against crime.
Just you and me, chasing the evils…
…Of the world.
I miss the times that we have shared.
They were the best times of my life.
After all that we have done together…
…I have no regrets.

I must admit I miss the times we shared.
Together, you and I, against the world.
But times are so very different now…
…It’s all gone wrong.
I had to chase you for your crime.
Do I regret it? I couldn’t say.
I only came to say goodbye.
What I remember most…
…Is your pride.

What’s happening?

Convict B
The ground’s shaking!

Convict A
Let us out, we’re under attack!

Rigby! Let me out!

You can help him.

I can help you!

Pride / Envy / Greed / Wrath / Sloth / Gluttony / Lechery (m / f)
This is your last chance!

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Blog - "Musical Intrigue."

There's a lot that's been going on recently. I have a meeting to present my action plan (which needs typing up tonight) to the festival committee tomorrow and, as nervous as I am, I am also quite excited about it. 

I'm also going to be doing a lecture on psychology, starting with an introduction to the subconscious that is thus far tentatively scheduled for the eighth of June. It'll be over an internet radio station, but that makes very little odds to me. Not sure what I'll do yet.

I'm also writing a little biographical feature on Ronnie James Dio, similar to the one that I did about Ritchie Blackmore. Blackmore was the part of Rainbow that got me interested, but Dio was certainly the part that got me hooked. Stargazer is the embodiment of epic, even though my personal favourite has to be Catch The Rainbow. It makes me cry and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Music has a special place in my heart, even though I was a late bloomer to it. When I first started listening to music it was in the golden age of Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park. That was the most accessible music, and I didn't complain. Though I can't claim to truly enjoy Limp Bizkit, I'll still get up on to the dance floor at the Tache whenever One Step Closer comes on.

I went through lots of different phases. The discovery of Muse was quite an eye opener. I was drunk at the time, and urinating in a drain in a friend's back garden. He was in the kitchen, waiting his turn. He's also the same person to really get me interested in Deep Purple, which is where the Blackmore influence came in, and, not long after that, it was The Stone Roses. After that, college taught me a lot. Van Halen, Pink Floyd and Dream Theater all sort of settled into the backing of college for us. We even had some Dragonforce, and I enjoyed them for an album. Actually, I still like Soldiers Of The Wasteland, but listening to more than one Dragonforce is hazardous to your interest in them.

My next major influence was girly three. Girly one had tried, with moderate success, to get me into Yellowcard. Girly two had tried, with little success, to get me into My Chemical Romance. Girly three tried, with rampant success, to get me into Ayreon. Right now, they are still my major fix and it's three years on. By rights I should be bored of them completely, but I'm just not. They are my love.

Where is my music taste evolving towards? I don't know. I don't much care to be honest; I'm sold with Ayreon. I'd like to write that sort of thing, and I'm working on it, but everything takes time, you know?

Saturday, 22 May 2010

Blog - "Love vs Human Nature"

The concept of Love has always held something of a fascination with me. If you consider the concept of human nature, survival of the species and the male urge to impregnate as many women as possible or the female urge to be impregnated by men as quickly as possible, love becomes a misnomer; unnecessary figment of life, imagination and, as simply put as possible, unnatural.

That's likely alienated anybody who reads it, but if you stop and consider it, you'll see the logic. In the origins of humanity, as far as the dark ages, the concept of love was unheard of. In tribal society, you had an alpha male (selected by criteria that ensured the strength of his sperm) and an alpha female (selected by criteria of being able to give birth to men who were likely to have a high strength of sperm). After that, there were more members of the tribe. They didn't love and they didn't pair up. Sex was a constant in order to continue the tribe and thus strengthen it by providing greater numbers. The more children a woman had, the better. The more men had sex with her in as soon a time as possible, the more likely she was to get pregnant. That was tribal society. Eat, sleep, fuck; the three primary activities of humanity.

If you move on to medieval societies, you get a lot of stories about true love amongst tyranny and an increasingly hierarchical society. Most of these stories are obviously later created. As an example, look up the tales of Robin Hood or King Arthur. They all started somewhere, and there's only circumstantial evidence to suggest their reality. In truth, all historical information recorded, though some of this is also somewhat questionable, suggests that they were much closer to being tribal than they are to being at our current level of society. Did they love? Did they hell. Children were married off by parents in order to increase their financial or political standings. This isn't a bad thing; the parents were doing this to ensure the security of their children, but there was no question of love. You married who you were told to, and you gave them children in order to carry on their line. Sounds kind of like your typical native human society. Eat, sleep, fuck; the three primary activities of humanity.

So now we get to our current state of existence, where the primary focus of life is the search for love. Sex, formerly one of the primary activities of life designed entirely for the making of children, has become a designed expression of love, supposedly morally objectionable unless you have a deep connection with your partner. If I were to ask you why you think that this has happened, what might you say? This is what confuses me about love.

Where has it come from?

A friend of mine, some years ago, raised a point concerning homosexuality and human nature. If you consider gay men, the typical male urge to stick yourself into something and get off as quickly as possible (for the intention of moving on to your next partner) can still be examined, though I personally wouldn't examine it too deeply. For lesbian females, the urge to follow human nature seems to have dissolved completely. This confuses me.

Human nature is coded into our genes. Love is not. It could be relative of course, since love develops towards sex, which is one of your three primary activities of humanity. However, the amount of time that people spend, myself included, determined to discover and true and eternal love is rather a peculiar activity. Having spent so much time considering psychology and the human ability to defy their own genetic make-up, I still just don't get it.

What the hell is love, and why does everybody need it in their lives so much?

I'm determined to work it our eventually.

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Lyrics - "Ambitions And Obsessions: Personal Herecy"

The second song for Ambitions and Obsessions is written up. It's another solo one for Toby, and is the main introduction of his character.

Ambitions And Obsessions
Track Two: Personal Herecy

I believe in fate
I believe in time
I believe but I don't know why.

I believe in truth
I believe in love
I believe in innocence.

I believe that cold expanse isn't quite as deep as it may seem.

I believe that in the mind of every person there's something obscene.

I believe in the future,
I believe that there's no need to repeat.
I believe that it's waiting for me.

I know what I want
I know what I need
I know what I live and breathe.

I know that I love
I know that I hate
I know that you can relate

I know how life is laid out before me.

I know which path to follow of those that I see.

I know the future,
I know that there's no need to repeat.
I know that it's waiting for me.

I believe in the future,
I believe in following my brain.
I believe in myself,
And what I could be.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

Lyrics - "Ambitions and Obsessions: Taste"

About twenty minutes ago, I started putting together a weird little musical story. I have the main characters and an introduction song so far, so I thought I'd put it on here should anybody enjoy it.

Ambitions And Obsessions
Track One: Taste

I see everything,
I know your hopes and fears,
Even all that you hide,

I can feel anything,
Your secrets and your lies,
I witness erotic little thoughts,
Just behind your eyes.

It seems that the world was only made around you.
Ocean blue is flattering to your eyes.
It seems that the world was made to surround you.
Encapsulating, mesmerising, setting all our hearts on fire.

I came here just to see here,
I'd bow to your will,
I follow your command,
Or the simplest wave of your hand.

I know what I'm going to do,
I see it in my mind,
The things that we could achieve,
If I just slide into your life.

It seems that the world was only made around you.
The yellow sand is flattering to your skin.
It seems that I was made to embrace you,
All you have to do is let me in.

I feel alive again,
I feel welcome around you,
I feel joy again,
I feel a warmth around you.

I have a need inside me,
Something that you can fill.
I can taste the air around you
It's sweetened by your very will.

Friday, 14 May 2010

Blog - "Employments And Occupations".

Today has been a nice round out to the uphill struggle that has been my week. We ran out of clients at work, so we all buggered off home over two hours earlier than expected.

My occupation is writing. That's my thing. That's what I do. I've been doing it for over fifteen years now, and I have never been happier than the moment I first received payment for it, and thus entered the leagues of the Professional Writer(thank you Max Sidorenko and Andrew Apanov). It doesn't even matter to me if people are impressed by it, though happily most are, I'm just going to tell you anyway. 

I always wanted to pursue it professionally, and, though I definitely made the leap into it myself, I would not have gotten far without the help of my partner at the time(thank you Amy Duxbury). She did me a whole heap of favours because writing was a shared interest. 

Since then, a lot has changed for me.

At the time, Writing was my occupation, but my job was still your average teenage Sales Assistant. This was no big deal really, as I quite liked my job. Unfortunately, my job didn't much like me. Due to having to support the third girlfriend, who had a previously broken spine which made job hunting gruelling at best, I got a little desperate to advance upwards in the company, and became unpopular because, when the job opening came, I went for it. I didn't actually get it, because I was unpopular, because people knew I was going for it. I was likely unpopular for other reasons too, but I'm still fairly oblivious to them. Eventually, I was fired due to arson. 

Yes, arson.

No, I didn't, but they certainly had their reasons. It was a bad day to say the least. May 1st in fact - I didn't even realised I'd finally lapped it.

From there I had a large period of unemployment, which resulted in boredom, which resulted in more writing. I also got involved with a festival planning committee. For a little while I was an Treasurer, an International Promoter and also Secretary for said committee. I was also acting as a Sponsor Liaison. It was a big job, and actually a lot of fun to make happen. It's one of those life experiences that you plan and you plan and you plan, but you really don't mind when it all falls apart because you're too busy enjoying yourself. People liked me then. They would shake my hand and tell me that it was a pleasure to meet me. It was nice, and rare.

Over Christmas I worked as a Sampling Colleague, which basically means advertising stuff by giving it away from free. Unfortunately, for my area, the credit card I was supposed to use was stolen, so we had no stock to give away. Many slow days passed of walking around talking to people, mostly other staff. It actually earned me quite a lot of money, and ensured a Merry Christmas indeed, despite Ricky's vomit. That job didn't last long, but I got what I needed out of it.

I was only unemployed for a month or so before I landed by current job, which would be as an Administrator. Now, this doesn't sound glamorous, but if I can put this into perspective: I love paper. I love everything from the feel of it to the taste of it, but most of all I love defiling a crisp white piece of paper by filling it with something eminently masterful, and also gripping in how it is laid out. I can sit and do paperwork all day every day. Getting paid for it is a welcome bonus.

And, last week, I renewed the International Promoter role for a festival called Tommyfest. I'm waiting to tell people all about it, then I can count how many people think it's named after me and that I set it up myself for that purpose.

Sometimes, when I look back on my life, I don't feel as though I've done much, but I've only been available to work for just under four years, and I've done all this. It cheers me up a little.

Tom Colohue

Thursday, 13 May 2010

Blog - "Dead End Stations"

I've spent a lot of time travelling around the UK. Well, England actually, seeing as I've never gone north of the border, and the only alternative then is Wales, and that just isn't happening. Amongst my list of locations, we have central locations like Halifax, Lincoln and York, and they're nice enough. In fact, Lincoln is easily one of my favourite places because of the hulking great castle. I quite like castles. I've also been to Lancaster, though I haven't been to the castle yet, which disappoints me.

I've also been to a lot of dead end stations. Now, I'm not actually a fan of dead end stations, but mostly because I've always lived at one. Originally it was Hull, which has a gigantic river behind it. Now it's Blackpool, which, despite having three main stations and several small ones, has every single train going straight through Preston.

Went to Preston once. Quaint place; no castle.

Other than castles, most of my travels have been in the pursuit of the female flesh, though I never went as far as Mexico as I had hoped to do with girlie one. Girlie three was the main one. I went all the way to Peterborough (for pizza) then on to St. Neots for her. Lot of pubs there, but I didn't actually go in any. I regret this now. I took a jaunt to Cambridge at this time, though I only got a real feel for the place later on. I also went to London for the first time for this woman, which turned out to be unecessary, but in no way a waste of time. We defiled a bar called Molly O' Grady's above the Victoria Station.

If you go there, think of me. Try to do it in technicolour, as white will not be your friend on such an occasion. If they'd have had a castle, I would have used the dungeon in a heartbeat for the exact same purpose.

Girlie four was another excuse to travel, this time wandering over to Liverpool. This is one of the few stations where I haven't painted the floors as the result of a close encounter with a girlie in the bathrooms. I'd never been there, and it turned out to be much more of a student town anyway, but I somewhat enjoyed it, except on the buses. That was a bit of a dead end station though. I switched on the wrong train from there at one point and got extremely lost, but that's alright. Once I'm found again, I enjoy myself.

I'm not sure where I'll go next; perhaps Manchester. We'll see where the new promotions job takes me, but I have spent a lot of time, sitting in train stations, scribbling away in one of my many notepads. Some great stuff turns up in there, but there's also the usual abundance of crap that comes out of any writers head. 

You need to clear out the junk to make room for the good stuff after all.

Poem - "Bliss"

Sleep in the cold,
Sleep without knowing
Your heart isn’t growing
It’s caged and forlorn.

Years have passed here,
And needless to say
That each brand new day
Brings the same new faces.

Hope is still here,
It’s fighting for grip
With each fingertip
But it’s clawing at nothing.

Embrace the night,
Hold to your slumber
Abandon the wonder
That comes with sunlight.

Home is around you,
It’s blissfully cold
As you are not bold
And so you remain.

You are not broken,
You feel no pain
But you must restrain
The begging reprieve.

All is not lost,
For all is around you
Joy has now found you
Enveloping quietly.

There is no torment,
There is no shame
There is no light
There is no pain.

Blog - "Introductions And Necessary Meanings"

I've been thinking about this for a while now, but I think now might be the best time to actually get started.

Hello. This is Tom Colohue. Welcome to my Mental Streaming.

I write about thirty-five thousand words a week. A good thirty percent of this goes into either published works, or works that will (hopefully) eventually be published. The rest is hidden away in files, folders and boxes. Sometimes it's lost to the ravages of time, red bull stains, or, most often, my delete button. Most of it is pointless, plenty of it is rubbish, and some of it is just plain wrong and should never be viewed by anybody. I'm hoping to sieve through all of that and perhaps present you with something that might be a little bit worth reading. It might be some crazy, random stuff, but surely that's part of the fun.

I'm also planning on linking to my articles as and when they are published, so this will literally be home for me for a little while. If you're interested in new stuff, sneak previews or updates, this will be the place to be. It might be a little erratic, but so am I, so no complaints really.

The address will be sliding its way to the bottom of most of my articles, so it should be popping up all over the place if I'm any good at my job. I welcome anybody with an open mind and a will to read. It would be awesome to have fans, but I'm really not that self-righteous.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope I keep this up enough to give you something worth reading.

Thanks in advance,

Tom Colohue