There have been many odd days for the world of global news, but today just about takes the biscuit.
With the word of war constantly being mentioned on both sides over the Falkland Islands, the British government is said to have taken an envoy of peace to new Argentinian Minister Carlos Savella. Savella, new to the world of Politics, and with very little English to his understanding, issued a statement shortly afterwards. Argentina declared: "Give us the Falkland Islands or we will launch a massive nuclear attack on your tiny country and bum your women."
Greatly concerned by this news, the United Kingdom called on allies in America, India, Russia and China in order to gather the necessary numbers to deter any potential nuclear strike. Aware that any action on their part would result in millions of lives lost from their own people, Argentina put out an immediate response: "I don't care, Hippos," they are reported as saying in a press release aimed at Downing Street. "Hump some cheese."
Uganda, in a surprise comment, chose to join the fray with: "Argentina, you so gay. Terrorism start at home."
With the world on the brink of nuclear war, resistance fighters in Argentina have reported to the world authorities that they have bombed the home of Carlos Savella, and greatly apologise for any issues raised. Unfortunately, this was action taken too late, as a dozen 12kt nuclear warheads had already been launched.
In other, unrelated news, popular Interpreter Ulrik Mastev Regent, formerly in the employment of the governments of both Argentina and Uganda, was arrested today.
"Suck my Cow, space monkeys!" he instructed as he was being handcuffed. "Donkey wallets."
Rumours suggest that the world has finally gone mad. The Pope was unavailable for comment.